Saturday, April 7, 2012

Can today be a "do-over"day?

Once upon a time there was this dark cloud. The end.

If I were telling this story to my daughter, she would stop me and say, "Moooooommmm!Tell me the real story." She's right. That's not a story. It's a feeling. And feelings are notorious for changing.
Yesterday there was a fire across the river near our home. The smell was distinctive and thick black cloud began to fill the sky. It was hard to ignore.It seemed a good idea to avoid it as much as possible.
When I was running errands today, I noticed that the smell and the smoke was gone. Really as if it had never happened. It had blown away and was only a memory.
Today was a smoky day in my home. The fire of frustration was burning and it, well, frankly, it was pretty stinky. I was living on my last nerve, frayed as it was. "Discussions" about measuring food,counting carbs, being responsible, being honest and also "inspirational talks" about curbing impulsivity,sensitivity, and all the other "ivities" had left me feeling about as popular as toe nail fungus.
I left to go find a little peace at Goodwill and cool my heels. On the way, I was greeted by a driver who was making his own lane out of whatever he could find. Once at Goodwill, two young women decided to steal some clothes. They had a baby with them.
I realized that I really just wanted to go home. And I did. The day continued with some little clumps of embers still burning.
Finally, with kids in bed and hubby curled up and softly snoozing, I am afforded the time and state of mind to reflect.
I expect that much like that fire, the smoke of this day will blow away. Almost like it never happened. But,now as I think about it.... If I were to go to the scene of the fire across the river, there would be visible signs. A fire always leaves evidence. A mark.
And a fire at home ,or in ourselves is no different. It scorches and scars. It takes time to heal.
Smokey the Bear used to say, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires." That was one smart bear.
Lesson learned today.... Take care of myself so that I am less like a box of kindling and more like a long awaited rain.

1 comment:

  1. Tears. The last sentence: just tears. I have prayed for those words to BE ME for so long. Your words, the way you set them to music in my heart without even intending to, are a gift. Thank you for the reminder of what I want to be to my family and friends.